Let me start out by saying there is a deep and heart felt sadness in my heart for your loss. I know that the pain of losing a loved one is a very tough thing to endure. The unique pain of losing an immediate family member, especially the man who raised you, has to be the toughest kind of pain. I know when I lost my grandmother it felt like a small part of me died. Losing someone that had such a impact on me and my youth takes a heavy toll. We have had a lot of ups and downs in our history. Know that, regardless of that history, that I truly feel for you in this time of loss. I hope that this life event has shined a light on how precious life is.
I know that these following words you will read may upset you. I encourage you to read through at least once and realize I only have your best intentions. I really hope that your fathers passing can be a wake up call to the checkered past of you and your alcohol use. Granted it has been almost a year since we have crossed paths, but if I know you as well as I think I do, I imagine none of your daily habits have not changed. I think that your drinking has put wedges between you and past relationships. I know that it has put one between us more than once. Some of those times may have been for petty reasons, but wedges nonetheless. I also think that it has kept you from reaching the full potential in life that you deserve. I tried in the past to give you help when you needed and give what I felt was good advice to chose the right path, but I feel sometimes like I failed. Maybe it wasn't enough but the battle is over and both sides have lost.
I'm not trying to be self righteous or hypocritical, as I still have drinks now and again. Take these words just as they are, only words. I hope some of these words can make a impact and you crawl out of the funk your in, and not deeper into the darkness that continues to enable your habit. I worry that the demons you carry will only further this cycle you are on.
I leave you with this. If you want or need someone to talk to, I'm still here, regardless of any situation and the current situation. Know that I am a text message away. We can have lunch sometime if you would like to talk about anything. If this has done nothing but upset you further, I completely understand if the silence between us continues. I just truly hope you reach out if you feel the need to talk. I hope this time of pain and loss can end up being used as a launching point for self improvement.
