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Days are gone the time of simpler being

Washed out the memories of light, heart, and soul

Days grow dark with clouds that keep from shining 

No more the careless era, less of worry 

Be gone with this sad and woe 

Be gone this carried foe

Take with you the burden

Let me live life full

Letter to a former friend

Let me start out by saying there is a deep and heart felt sadness in my heart for your loss. I know that the pain of losing a loved one is a very tough thing to endure.  The unique pain of losing an immediate family member, especially the man who raised you, has to be the toughest kind of pain.   I know when I lost my grandmother it felt like a small part of me died.  Losing someone that had such a impact on me and my youth takes a heavy toll.  We have had a lot of ups and downs in our history.   Know that, regardless of that history, that I truly feel for you in this time of loss.  I hope that this life event has shined a light on how precious life is.  

I know that these following words you will read may upset you.  I encourage you to read through at least once and realize I only have your best intentions.   I really hope that your fathers passing can be a wake up call to the checkered past of you and your alcohol use.  Granted it has been almost a year since we have crossed paths,  but if I know you as well as I think I do, I imagine none of your daily habits have not changed.   I think that your drinking has put wedges between you and past relationships.  I know that it has put one between us more than once.  Some of those times may have been for petty reasons, but wedges nonetheless.  I also think that it has kept you from reaching the full potential in life that you deserve.  I tried in the past to give you help when you needed and give what I felt was good advice to chose the right path, but I feel sometimes like I failed.  Maybe it wasn't enough but the battle is over and both sides have lost.   

I'm not trying to be self righteous or hypocritical, as I still have drinks now and again. Take these words just as they are, only words.  I hope some of these words can make a impact and you crawl out of the funk your in, and not deeper into the darkness that continues to enable your habit.  I worry that the demons you carry will only further this cycle you are on.  

I leave you with this.  If you want or need someone to talk to, I'm still here, regardless of any situation and the current situation.  Know that I am a text message away.  We can have lunch sometime if you would like to talk about anything.  If this has done nothing but upset you further, I completely understand if the silence between us continues.  I just truly hope you reach out if you feel the need to talk. I hope this time of pain and loss can end up being used as a launching point for self improvement.  

Dreams And Reflections Through Darkness And Light.

If one was to describe space and time in one word it could be simply done, dreams.  Where space and time mean everything and nothing in the same breath. Dreams take you to the furthest reaches of what your mind can allow.  To allow oneself to dream, every tangent of space and time can be reached.  

Whether ventures of fortune or peril, to the longest reaches of infinity, dreams can take you there.   Dreams pave way to reality in some cases.  Allowing one to push ones self to reach a dream that can be had in reality.  Fortune and fame, as perceived in ones heart, is only to follow that dream. 

Not all dreams bring the positive nature that one expects dreams to be.  Dreams can be dark and un advantageous to the untrue or wicked mind.  Some of those dreams can allow you to live in fear or cause you to do or say unfathomable things.  Where there is a yang their must always be a yin.

Right and wrong or bad and good, dreams can paint the path of how you perceive your life and actions.  As I write this I have the strange urge to fall into slumber.  Will I dream.  If I dream, will they be of positive or negative musings.  Only these questions will be answered in the limitless space of my mind.  

If you could, would you follow me into my dreams?  If knowing me of a personal nature, can you risk it?  I may be good willed and of positive natured in the public eye, but that may not speak for what happens in my mind.   It could hold cruel, evil, and unspeakable natures I would not allow my closest friend to peer into. The darkness could take down a path to perceive me as man you think I'm not.  

But how could you truly know what lies underneath my breath as I lead you to know the man I have let you believe is me.  But maybe these words are only words. Placed forth to make your mind and thoughts think of my possible ill willed nature.  Will these words now push you to think of me in a negative aspect?  Will these thoughts of me turn you to darkness and allow you to perceive what you know not be in your heart?  But what if it's awakened?  

I hope to lead you to think light hearted thoughts and to spread the notion of joyous tidings.  To be positive is addictive, if properly spread with good heart and hands.  Most people strive to be good to ones self and one another.  Goodness can bring the dreams that push you to attempt greatness.  Even if in reality you fail, the positive heart has not lost anything.  Pushing to do better and try harder are the good willed.   

What if I told you I was writing this in  a dream like state of mind.   I can barely hold onto the reality of life as I write these words.  My mind, dreaming as I'm awake, trying to go about my normal life.  These daydreams, wanting to become words, keeping reality away from my grasp.  

My mind wonders as I try to complete the simple task of my day to day responsibilities.  Is my reality what I dreamed it would be.  Is it because this isn't what I dreamed as a young boy. The daydreaming and these words are keeping me from my duties.  What if my deepest dream was reality.  Would I feel the need to write any of the words you have read so far.

Have these words given you the frame of mind to question your reality and dreams? As I struggle to keep the momentum of these words I ask myself, what makes me write.  Deep down did I want to be a writer.  Do I feel the need to speak and be heard on a different level then I have reached in my current real life.   So many questions raised.  

Should I dream to find the answers.  Will those dreams lead me on a path of failure or perseverance.  A dream that has come to be part of my reality is writing.   As I write these words I think of the time where I was fascinated with the mechanics of a typewriter.  Though the machine did not inspire words they did inspire ideas.  

Later in life writing is still apart of me.  Though on a smaller level compared to the length of words you have been reading.  It does bring me joy.  But do the words I write contain joyous things.

My mind continues to wonder to the darker side of the mind.  Evil and death feel like a warm bed on a cold winter night.  Why does my mind attract the darker side of thinking.  Do I think of these things as a my way out.

That if I write them down the evil will leave my mind and dreams.  Will I be better and happier.  Do I dwell so much on the negative that writing it down doesn't really get it off my chest.  Will it only allow me to reflect on it and make my situation worse.   Questions that on any given day could hold a different answer.  

I have hope for the positive side of those questions.  Get this negativity out of my head, dreams, and soul.   The psychosis of my mind leads me to believe I am crazy and insane.  I do not do crazy and insane things.  I walk this strange path of fear and safety.  

I write these words in a public atmosphere.  As I gaze upon the faces of people some look back and I wonder, what are they thinking as they look at me.  Do they know that my mind has started to wonder.  Daydreaming so deeply that I feel like I'm about to lose my grip on reality.   

Feelings are once again pushed down deep into my psyche and I feel a bit more air coming into my, shortly breathing, lungs.  Why do these thoughts plague me from time to time.  If a psychiatrist was to read this, would they deem me insane.  Are these words, only what they are just words, and no bearer on my physical actions.  

Writing from what has become a daydream, what keeps propelling me to write.  Is their something I must get off my chest.  The words escape my thought and fingertips as I ask "why am I writing?".  What started as a idea to write lyrics or a simple thought has changed into something more, something deeper.  Will my mind calm enough to stop writing.  

The tingling sensation of continuing keeps me from stopping.  I like the feeling, but I feel I shouldn't .  Is this a strange kind of madness pouring out of me.  Have I come off the path of where this whole writing started.  Will anything I've previously written makes sense.  

Do I continue or do I stop.  The body wishes to stop but the mind races.  I clench my jaw and the throbbing tells me I've already gone too far.   Have I brought you into my darkness?  Can you find your way out if so?

Somehow I always find the strength to bring my self out of this psychosis.   Their are lots of positives that keep this mind and my dreams afloat into sanity. I enjoy to dabble in the eerie and macabre.  I am thankful for the positive feelings.  Without them, I may stray onto a path no sane person would take.  The path I have not taken and feel never will.

The positive light is always there to keep my head above water.  Even though sometimes it feels like my lungs may start to fill with the water of negativity and evil.    I swim on, into a positive light.  That beacon that keeps my sanity.

These words are only words.  Knowing I have a good life with the positive essence of those close to me.  I will continue to project a lighthearted and good natured attitude.  Even though my mind and dreams can think and speak of evil.  My heart knows more good and to overpower those thoughts and feelings.  Those inner demons stay forever locked under my goodwill and found only in my imagination.